We just lost a
great advocate for the American people because he did some stupid things when
he was a comedian and even, allegedly, when he was a senator. Senator Al
Franken is resigning in the wake of fellow Democrat John Conyers’ resignation, after
Conyers’ staff levied allegations against him. Seven women came forward to
report Franken groped and/or kissed them without permission. Some, including my
husband Ronald, say his actions cannot be thrown in with the likes of Roy
Moore’s actions or Donald Trump’s actions, and I agree with that. But I believe
his resignation was the right thing to do.
Men have to learn
that touching a woman in any way when she has not given you express permission,
is wrong. Only acceptable social touching such as a handshake is right. Even if you think it is funny, or you
think she might like it as much as you like it, you can’t make that call. And,
besides, there are rules of conduct in the workplace that cover just these
situations. If you don’t know them, it would be prudent to find out what they
are.
It’s worse in the
entertainment industry because there may be touching or nudity as part of the
job or role. But it is still a workplace, and we have to make sure all
workplaces are safe and interactions are respectful and equitable.
I was a drama
student in high school and for one semester in college. I’ve been grabbed in the crotch, had a
few students suddenly grab me and stick their tongues down my throat, and been
felt up during a scene in a play in which we were stuck in an elevator on set
while the show principals sang a duet in front of the closed doors. Each time I reacted strongly and told
them it was unacceptable behavior and they’d better not do it again, but the
act had already been committed and it didn't stop the next high schooler from trying it. And it wasn’t funny; it was disgusting,
unwanted, and violating. They started calling me “ice queen” in high school,
trying to shame me for not playing along. I can only imagine what young girls
go through today, and it hurts me to think about it, because we fought so hard
to end this kind of misogynist treatment. You can read more about my personal experiences with sexual
harassment in my blog post Not Okay.
I remember sitting
in a labor union meeting in the early 1980s with a labor attorney who
introduced us to the concept of sexual harassment. There was a name for it and something we could legally do
about it. That knowledge was
empowering.
The Equal
Opportunity Commission defines sexual harassment this way:
It is unlawful to harass a person (an
applicant or employee) because of that person’s sex. Harassment can include
“sexual harassment” or unwelcome sexual advances, requests for sexual favors,
and other verbal or physical harassment of a sexual nature.
Harassment does not have to be of a sexual
nature, however, and can include offensive remarks about a person’s sex. For
example, it is illegal to harass a woman by making offensive comments about
women in general.
Both victim and the harasser can be either a
woman or a man, and the victim and harasser can be the same sex.
Although the law doesn’t prohibit simple
teasing, offhand comments, or isolated incidents that are not very serious,
harassment is illegal when it is so frequent or severe that it creates a
hostile or offensive work environment or when it results in an adverse
employment decision (such as the victim being fired or demoted).
The harasser can be the victim's supervisor,
a supervisor in another area, a co-worker, or someone who is not an employee of
the employer, such as a client or customer.
But many women are
afraid to report sexual harassment, and that goes double for sexual assault and
abuse. The reason they are afraid is because the public tends to question their
credibility and their motives, and, instead of looking at the character and
intent of the perpetrator, they often scrutinize the character and intent of
the victim. What was she wearing? What did she say? What did she do to cause it? And it makes women ask
themselves those same questions even though they might have been taken
completely by surprise and never acted in any way open to a sexual overture.
Because the only thing that they could do to cause it would have been to say,
“Please grab me and force your tongue down my throat when I least expect it,”
or “Make sure you expose yourself while we are working on that report.” And I
doubt many women or girls say that.
It’s about who does
and doesn’t have control of your body. No one does but the person inside of it.
In an egalitarian world, women would be safe in the workplace, on the street,
and at home. In the unequal world
we live in, women’s bodies are sometimes assigned government oversight, and some
men, the ones they know and the ones they don’t, believe women’s bodies are sex
objects or baby vessels to be owned or manipulated. It is unconscionable and
wrong.
Women fear
retaliation, too, in the form of social and economic oppression and through
violence. Some are so afraid of a confrontation or retaliation, they silently
comply while waiting for their moment to escape. That doesn’t mean it is any less disgusting, invasive, unwanted,
illegal, or violent.
So when women step
forward and report sexual harassment, abuse, or assault, we ought to consider
them sheroes for standing up to public scrutiny. Their stories cause other women to remember their own
experiences of being harassed or assaulted and the attendant trauma many
suffered from such experiences. Let us women (and other victims including
children, men, and gender fluid individuals) work our way through the emotions
these stories elicit, because those memories are difficult to process.
And men (and all potential
predators), while they sit and wonder who in their past might come forward to
report an incident of harassment or worse, need to support these women, too,
and learn from what they are hearing.
We are not condemning all men. Nor are we condemning all behavior. Under
the right circumstances, flirting or other sexualized behavior might be welcome
and returned, but it must be consensual. And it’s okay to make mistakes because
sometimes you think one thing but it’s another. However, repeated attempts or
the inability to understand that no means no is a clear indication that
boundaries have been crossed.
Men need to
collaborate with women in creating a safe and respectful workplace, whether
that workplace is in a corporate office, in a classroom, on a movie set, in a
fire station, or in the halls of Congress. It is NEVER okay to assume another
person wants to see you naked or wants to be touched or chooses sexual
humiliation or interaction, especially if it is a work colleague.
So Senator Franken
did the right thing, as I would expect him to, even though he still questioned
the credibility of some of the charges against him by saying, “some of the
allegations against me are simply not true. Others, I remember very differently.”
But just like a racist doesn’t see how his unequal treatment of a person of a
different race is damaging to that person or he may not remember specific
incidents of racist behavior, the sexual harasser won’t necessarily recognize or
remember incidents either.
I allow that Franken’s
resignation may have been too quick since the Ethics Committee barely had time
to investigate and the investigation is incomplete, but it was way past time
for the women who were victims of his actions. In many ways I am saddened he had to take the fall along
with civil rights advocate Rep. Conyers, in order to expose the hand of the GOP
that voted a sexual predator into the office of president and is at the brink
of electing a child sexual predator and proud racist to the Senate. Franken
understood the incongruity of his situation when he said, “I, of all people, am
aware that there is some irony in the fact that I am leaving while a man who
has bragged on tape about his history of sexual assault sits in the Oval
Office, and a man who has repeatedly preyed on young girls campaigns for the
Senate with the full support of his party.”
But I am sure that
taking the moral high ground is always the right thing to do. In the meantime, we
need to figure out how to interact respectfully between the sexes, especially
in the workplace. As it was in the 1980s, it will be hard to work out what is
and isn’t acceptable and what the consequences will be for those who choose
their own self-aggrandizement and wants over respectful, equal, and dignified
interactions with colleagues and subordinates.
We are, no doubt,
in the middle of redefining who we are as Americans, and we cannot shy away
from the hard conversations, revelations, actions, complexity, and consequences
needed to reach the high ground. At the very least, we need to press the GOP to
respond and participate in kind by using our voices and votes in protest for
their inactions. Their denial and disparagement of the women, who came forward
to report abuse, their protection of sexual predators, and their inability
to hold their standard bearers accountable are our obstacles to reaching the high ground.
#resist #persist
Author in the role of Queen Guinevere in a high school play, ca. 1975