I felt discouraged
this week. Sometimes I wonder why I keep writing about race and culture. It
seems as if people don’t really care when it doesn’t impact their lives
directly. On surface, of course, lots of people denounce racism, but most of
those people will not ever do a single thing about it, because they don’t see
their role in it, and they don’t recognize racist situations. In their minds
the racists wear white sheets and burn crosses on lawns. They aren’t the people
sitting near us in the restaurant giving us the “Southern stare” or the ones
telling Ronald that President Obama is neither a citizen nor a Christian.
We experienced the
“Southern stare” again on Friday night.
I described how we coined the phrase in my post Amendment One: I See Hateful People (http://aboutracewriter.blogspot.com/2012/05/amendment-one-i-see-hateful-people.html).
We had gone out
for pizza on Friday, and on our way out of the restaurant, a table full of
people stopped eating, talking, and drinking to stare at us, as if they had
seen the strangest thing and might never have a chance to see it again. You
might be asking, “Why do you have to keep talking about it? Why does it bother
you? I’ve been stared at before.”
I bring it up
again and again, because it is common in our experience. We can’t go places
without it occurring and if you are white, you don’t think about that happening
to you. You may have been stared at, but not in this way, I promise you. You
are expected and welcome just about every place you go. You don’t surprise,
shock, or offend others. We do. Gay couples do. People who have physical
deformities do. But if you are white, heterosexual, and physically average
(which most people are), no one notices you, and you can go about your
business. But for those of us who differ from the majority, our ability to go
about our business is hampered and sometimes turns dangerous as it did for
Trayvon Martin who was shot and killed returning from a quick run to the
convenience store.
Take gay couples
in my home state of North Carolina. Not only did the state vote to
constitutionally define marriage as between and man and a woman, many preachers
have spewed hate about homosexuality during their Sunday sermons. On Mother’s Day
a Catawba County preacher railed against gay couples and called for them to be
placed in concentration camps. Not only did he reach his parishioners with his
hateful message, the church posted the sermon on You Tube where it was viewed
165,000 times before it was taken down.
An alumnus from
Wake Forest University took out a full-page ad in the Winston-Salem Journal
asking for the removal of the university’s chaplain Imam Khalid Griggs. The
alumnus Donald Wood claimed Griggs, a Muslim, would replace all our laws including the
U.S. Constitution with Shariah law.
The Ku Klux Klan
still exists, and they planned to stage a rally and cross burning near Harmony,
NC on Memorial Day weekend. Protestors turned out. One sign read, “Bigotry
wrapped in religion is still BIGOTRY.” One resident of Harmony was quoted in
the paper as saying, “[The Klan rally] was a shock to me. I thought that stuff
died down.”
But it hasn’t died
down. Such activity has actually increased. Though most people don’t think they
support racism there is a new level of fear and anger about people who are
different than the majority, particularly because minorities are now growing in
number. See my post Demographic Evolution
(http://aboutracewriter.blogspot.com/2012/05/demographic-evolution.html).
So I keep writing
about it hoping I can contribute to changing our social views on race and culture.
Over thirty-six years of experiencing race in America has taught me that change
is slow and regression is prevalent. Sometimes I think I can’t change anything.
Then discouragement paralyzes me.
But last night my
resolve changed again.
We went to Ziggy’s,
a national club in Winston-Salem, to see The Wailers perform. There is only one
original member left, bassist Aston “Family Man” Barrett, but we had seen Bob
Marley and the Wailers twice before Marley died in 1981.
We were too early
to purchase tickets, so we wandered upstairs to the outdoor bar. Ronald asked
me to wait while he went to the restroom. He is always attendant to me at bars.
I hated them when I was a young woman because men buzzed around me like flies
on dog shit, and I hated the attention. I always thought my large eyes made me
look vulnerable to their pickup lines. I’m not as worried now that I am a woman
of a certain age, but Ronald is still protective, and I am appreciative.
I stood by the outdoor
deck to wait for him. A man stopped him on the way, hugged him, and told him he
missed him. The middle-aged black
man with pocked skin stood at my height. He carried a stuffed messenger bag
swung around behind his back. I heard Ronald tell him that he had the wrong guy,
but the man insisted, “No, man, I know you. I just got out of prison, but I
remember you.”
I wondered if he
was one of the people Ronald spoke with on one of his late evening forays
downtown during the warm weather. He likes to sit on the benches lining the
sidewalks, watch the crowds walk by, talk to anyone who stops, and, he tells
me, learn about life and people. A minute later the man’s white wife joined
them, so I wandered over. She looked weary and shy. She weighed a good hundred
pounds more than her husband, her skin was sunburned, her hair lay flat on her
head and pushed behind her ears, and her teeth were dark on the edges and
spaced apart.
Ronald introduced
me, and the man told me I was beautiful and that Ronald was fortunate. Then he
told us his wife waited for him while he served a fourteen-year sentence for
shooting an intruder during a break-in at his home. He had found God in prison,
as many do, and we talked about the Bible for a few minutes. Then they told us
they were homeless, down on their luck, and looking for some help. We expressed
our sorrow for their condition.
Soon we hugged one
another good-bye like long lost friends. The man asked Ronald if he could talk
to him privately, and I knew he was asking him for a handout. I stood with his
wife and told her I hoped something good would come into their lives, and she
told me she had spent a day in the hospital for heat stroke and how her husband
was trying to keep her out of the sun. “Take good care of yourself,” I said
when Ronald and her husband joined us again and we said our final good-byes.
“You didn’t know
him,” I said after we had purchased our tickets and entered the venue.
“Nope.”
“How much did you
give him?”
“Twenty,” he said. I wasn’t surprised. On many occasions I
witnessed Ronald give someone money, buy someone a meal, give something of ours
to someone who needed it more than we did, or give someone a lift to a
destination miles out of his way. His generous spirit is one of the things I
love about him.
“They’ll get a
nice meal out of it. Maybe at Jimmy John’s,” I said. I felt bad that we spent
fifty dollars to get into the concert when it could have bought them a hotel
room for the night. I knew they scoped us out, another interracial couple that would
be empathic. I knew they lied, but I didn’t know what was true and what wasn’t.
“He worked for
it,” Ronald said as if he had read my mind.
“You did what felt
right,” I said.
The Wailers came
on stage long after the opening band, just as I was growing tired of waiting, just
before midnight. They opened with the song Get
Up, Stand Up.
Get up, stand up, stand up for your rights
Get up, stand up, stand up for your rights
Get up, stand up, stand up for your rights
Get up, stand up, don't give up the fight
Preacher man don't tell me
Heaven is under the earth
I know you don't know
What life is really worth
It's not all that glitters is gold
Half the story has never been told
So now you see the light
Stand up for your rights
My whole mood
lifted. I felt awake. Ronald and I, holding hands, moved to the music. I leaned
into his ear and said, “I love the drummer.” I sang along with the lyrics. The
crowd was quite diverse: people of all ages and all races, quite a few
interracial couples. Reggae music has universal appeal.
The main singer
was not Bob Marley, but he had a special stage presence, a mellow, soothing
voice, and he sang in the pocket of the music, riding on the rhythm, taking his
time, as if he were floating on the notes.
When the band took
their final bows and left the stage, I was disappointed for a moment. “They
didn’t sing No Woman, No Cry,” I
said. “They can’t be done yet.”
The lead singer
and the guitarist wandered back up on stage about five minutes later.
The singer began
singing a cappella. The guitarist joined in after the first verse.
Won't you help to sing
These songs of freedom?
'Cause all I ever have
Redemption songs
Redemption songs
Redemption songs
Emancipate yourselves from mental slavery
None but ourselves can free our mind
The rest of the
band walked back on stage, and they began playing No Woman, No Cry. “You have to dance this one with me,” I told
Ronald. He wrapped his arms around me and I nuzzled my head against his chin.
We held each other tightly as the lyrics washed over us:
No, woman, no cry.
'Cause - 'cause - 'cause I remember when a
we used to sit
In a government yard in Trenchtown,
Oba - obaserving the 'ypocrites - yeah! -
Mingle with the good people we meet, yeah!
Good friends we have, oh, good friends we
have lost
Along the way, yeah!
In this great future, you can't forget your
past;
So dry your tears, I seh. Yeah!
No, woman, no cry;
No, woman, no cry. Eh, yeah!
A little darlin', don't shed no tears:
No, woman, no cry. Eh!
I felt the urge to
cry and squeezed my arms tighter around Ronald’s neck. He tightened his arms
around my waist.
I know now that I
have to get up, stand up. I have to keep writing about race and culture, even
when it is painful and when people wonder why I keep talking about it. I may
not change anyone or anything. No woman, no cry. All I have are redemption
songs.
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