Dear White People Who Can't Figure Out if What You Did Is Racist Or Not

Dear white people who can’t figure out if what you did is racist or not, 

Stop waiting for black people to explain why some of your actions are racist. You already know they are racist when you do your best to claim such behaviors aren’t who you are, or you pretend they never happened. I say this, because of the debacle Governor Ralph Northam of the Virginia Commonwealth caused for himself.

In case you haven’t heard, the extreme right went on a hunt to discredit Northam. They uncovered a photograph in his 1984 medical school yearbook that showed one student in blackface and the other in a KKK robe and hood. They were after Northam because of a bill he was trying to get passed concerning late term abortions. It appears the extreme right will go to any lengths to ensure women, even if their lives depend on it, cannot have access to safe and affordable abortions. Their love of fetuses outpaces their love of people by eons. They’ve even killed for the cause.

I don’t understand their position, because if they made sure women had access to affordable birth control and reproductive healthcare, as they did under the ACA until the right dismantled it, the number of abortions would shrink to almost zero, and the procedure would only be used as a last resort, say in the case of rape (no, a baby conceived by rape is not a gift from God; It is the result of a violent physical attack.) or the mother’s health risk. But the extreme right doesn’t care, because embryos and fetuses mean more to their cause than people. If even one of them told the truth, they would tell you that what it really means is that they would fulfill their belief that women should be oppressed and submissive to men, and they should not be allowed to make decisions about their bodies.  I know this because of the number of men who claimed support of pro-life legislation, but were also caught telling their mistresses to get abortions so the men would not be found out and would not have to support a child they didn’t think was worth their support. In their case, the baby was certainly not a gift from God; It was the inconvenient result of caving to lust.

So they went digging to discredit Northam. Apparently they didn’t have to dig too deeply, because there was the photo in his medical yearbook, and another interesting tidbit in another yearbook: one of his nicknames was “Coonman.”

Many Democrats and liberals called for Northam’s resignation, along with the hypocritical right. It doesn’t matter who went digging, it matters that the incendiary photo existed at all. And it doesn’t matter what a stellar civil rights record he has. We live in different times. There was a time white men fought for civil rights, but were perfectly fine leaving systemic racism in place. They wanted to continue being the power brokers, decision makers, and leaders. There was no room at the table for anyone who looked different or thought differently from them. Those days are over. The 2008 election broke the glass ceiling for people of color, and Hillary Rodham Clinton’s run as the Democratic candidate in the 2016 election broke the glass ceiling for women. Not that there hasn’t been backlash. There has been a strong and sustained backlash. Trump is the face of that backlash. Nevertheless, we persisted in the 2018 election with the greatest turnover of Congressional seats in the history of our country and the most diverse Congress ever.

Northam, so far, refused to resign. On February 1, 2019, he issued an apology for appearing in the photograph. On February 2, 2019, he claimed he wasn’t in the photo and someone had put it on his page without his knowledge. He also admitted he had engaged in putting on blackface once for a Michael Jackson dance contest—he even said he only put on a little shoe polish since, if one had never done it before, one might not know how difficult it is to remove later. He even went so far as to consider giving a demonstration of his dance skills, but one can hear his wife caution that it is “inappropriate circumstances.”

It’s beyond inappropriate. In 1984, the year the yearbook was published, every single American would have known, with the exception of avowed white supremacists, that blackface is offensive and the KKK is a terrorist organization. Engaging in such behavior, particularly when one hopes to serve individuals as their doctor and, later, as their government representative, is egregious.

Some pundits are calling for statements from Obama and the Virginia Deputy Governor, Justin Fairfield, who would step into the governor’s position should Northam step down. No, they don’t have to weigh in. They will only be criticized, and, white people, you don’t need them to tell you what Northam did was racist and that he should step down. We know he should be held accountable. The only one who appears not to know is Northam himself.

Except, let me make a larger statement to the extreme right: You can’t call foul on liberals and not disavow Steve King (Iowa) who is a blatant white supremacist and trump who has an equally egregious record on race relations dating back to the 1970s when he wouldn’t rent to people of color. Remember, he also pushed the birther conspiracy and kept it going long after that horse was beaten to death. They should both step down, too. And you? You must start legislating equality.

So, let’s be accountable. The extreme right needs to stop doing whatever is necessary, including cheating at the polls, suppressing the vote, conspiring with a foreign adversary, and discrediting their colleagues on the other side of the aisle, to get their ideologically discriminatory beliefs into the mainstream. There is a reason there is separation of church and state. Do what you want in your churches, as long as you are not abusing people through conversion therapy or sexually abusing parishioners or doing anything else vile under the guise of God’s will, including believing that God favors white people over all others and that gives you permission to discriminate and hate anyone who doesn’t look like you. And stop looking for dirt to discredit Fairfield, too. Your methods are obvious and disingenuous.
Note: after I published this it came to light that the allegations against Fairfield may have come from Northam's camp. It has not been confirmed, but if true, this shows Northam's utter disregard for people of color as he is willing to crush another's career to save his own. This story is getting deep.
Note 2: An second allegation, this time of rape, against Fairfield. Fairfield is demanding an investigation, but it appears he must step down, too, even while third in line has his own black face story. The Commonwealth of Virginia is in trouble.

Northam, resign. White men have to stop expecting second, third and fourth chances when they mess up. Women and people of color still have to fight like hell just for one chance. Just because you are liberal and believe you are supporting righteous legislation for equality, doesn’t give you a buy. In fact, it holds you to a higher standard. Do the right thing, or risk discrediting the Democratic Party, because of your own self-interest. If we, the party of all people, can’t do the right thing, why would we expect the GOP to do it?

The rest of us will continue to fight for the right of all people to be equal under the law and in society, and we will let you know when we witness racist behavior and also unethical politics to support extreme ideology. We’ve proven these last several years that swimming in the muck of humanity makes us terrible people. That is why we must hold everyone to a higher standard.  Governor Northam, be the first to prove why taking the high road is the right road to take.

The Honey Boo Boo Effect

My Gemini is showing. I am of two minds. I like people. I dislike people. I wish there were more people around. I wish there weren’t any people around. Some days I can’t even summon self-empathy because I’m a person!

I’ve always watched people and been fascinated by them, even as a child hiding under the table due to shyness but curious to hear what the adults talked about. It’s the imperfections that fascinate me the most. They are also what frustrate me the most. Let me wander a bit as I weave around this ambivalence.

Our imperfections make us unique.  Our diversity makes us interesting. But sometimes I wonder if we’ll ever be able to live in harmony, side by side. Our differences are small, but they hold much more weight than our commonality. They cause disconnects, miscommunications, fear, hatred, oppression, and violence. Yet many people won’t acknowledge this. They want to believe that racism, sexism, classicism, and homophobia don’t exist. They want to blame the victims for the situations they find themselves in and cast them as complainers.

Watch this short video, Stopped and Frisked for being aF**cking Mutt, about the NYPD Stop and Frisk initiative in New York City. 87% of all stops involve a person of color.  9 out of 10 stops result in the suspect being released, but listen to the treatment they endure for just being out in the neighborhood. Learn about the pressure police are under to engage in this initiative. Racial profiling is alive and well in America.

I’m even weary of repeating myself on this topic, over and over. It feels like no one is listening.

Ronald and I often talk about how we identify as a family. Like my daughter Mackenzie, who just got her license changed over from New York State to a North Carolina license, we’ve had to choose whether we identify as black or white.

“I’m other,” she told the DMV official. “Can’t I choose interracial?”

“No, you’ll have to choose between black or white. My granddaughter will have to make that choice, too,” he said, as if that would make the choice to deny part of one’s ethnic identity easier.

“I choose black,” she told him. “It’s how I’m viewed by society anyway. My mom won’t be happy.”

I’m not happy, not because the choice seems like a slap in the face, but rather because she had to choose. Why can’t we, in this supposed post-racial society, identify as interracial? See my post Checking theOther Box.

We’ll be choosing a president soon. Early voting begins in NC on Thursday. I will proudly make my choice for President Obama and Walter Dalton for governor of NC. People died believing in and fighting for the inalienable right of all Americans to vote. I won’t diminish their lives and their struggle through apathy.

Maybe some people believe I support President Obama because I identify closely with black Americans. That is not true. What is true is that I can see beyond the color of his skin and see that his policies and philosophies are in alignment with my vision of America where all Americans experience equality, access, and opportunity; where we all live and play on a level playing field; where our diversity is our strength instead of our weakness; and where everyone is proud to be an American. I understand there are people who don’t share this vision, but isn’t that a part of our diversity? Why feel hatred over it? I don’t.

Here’s another video I recommend you watch. Called SacrificeTotal Gift of Self, this video is pro-life and presents anti-contraception arguments. It is a weird mix of religion (the Old Testament) and pseudo-science. Be prepared to be in total awe. Women, beware. You may find yourself suffering the vapors and wondering where women’s rights, choice, and equality went.

No wonder I feel so ambivalent lately.

There is a trend on television that intrigues me. It is a celebration of rural white poverty and culture. Turn to TLC, CMT, Animal Planet or the History Channel, and you’ll see what I mean. Here is a list of shows that are now popular:

Here Comes Honey Boo Boo

Duck Dynasty

Swamp People

Mudcats

Hillbilly Handfishin’

Call of the Wildman

Moonshiners

My Big Redneck Wedding

What I find interesting is that there are two opposing draws that create the audience for these shows. Some viewers watch for the pure exploitation aspect. They make fun of the cultural aspects and the people in the show. Some viewers watch the shows because they believe these shows celebrate what true Americanism is.

I’m disappointed by both approaches. America is diverse. There are subcultures all over the place, and none are more American than others. Together, these subcultures contribute aspects of American mainstream culture and Americanism. We are unique in the world due to our diversity.

No subculture should be subjected to voyeurism and exploitation or held up as the epitome of what being American is. A show that respectfully explores a subculture is fine. How else do we learn about one another? But give equal time to all the subcultures that exist in America, and do it non-judgmentally.

I watch a few of these shows. I admit it is like watching a train wreck. They are hard to turn off. Here Comes Honey Boo Boo had a particularly evocative effect on me when I tuned in one evening.

Here is this precocious, chubby, blonde, seven-year-old white girl living in abject poverty and filth, who eats “sketti” made with catsup and melted butter served over pasta, and who participates in child beauty pageants. Her dad works six days a week in the chalk mines, her mother is foul-mouthed yet loving, and her seventeen-year-old sister just had a baby who was born with the hereditary defect of an extra thumb.

The show is just wrong on so many levels. I felt extreme guilt for watching the few episodes that evening, as if I were peeking in someone’s windows. But I couldn’t turn the channel. I was mesmerized. Yet I feel such compassion for this family who got paid two thirds less than other reality show families per episode. Is it an effort to gain their fifteen minutes of fame or an effort to improve their condition and the lives of their children?  What a horrible situation to find oneself in and yet it is repeated in show after show and in more and worse ways than the show before.

All the shows about weddings were brought to my attention this weekend at an event called TheWedding Dress Project. This project is the dreamchild of my daughter Cara, who envisions deconstructing gender stereotypes through the deconstruction of wedding dresses, prom dresses, and tuxedos. Groups and individuals take apart these symbols of traditional gender roles and remake them into other items in order "to deconstruct and re-imagine the societal factors that perpetuate violence in the home and the emotional trauma that results."

A speaker at the event, Dr. Jenn Brandt, Director of Gender Studies at High Point University, gave a short presentation on the business of weddings and what the average wedding costs these days.

I am guilty of watching some of the reality wedding shows, including Say Yes to the Dress: Atlanta and My Big Fat Gypsy Wedding.  These shows are exploitative and voyeuristic, too. In Say Yes to the Dress women are reduced to tears searching for the perfect wedding dress while their entourage of family and friends criticizes their choices.  My Big Fat Gypsy Wedding highlights the lives of Irish Travelers rather than Romani Gypsies as the title seems to indicate. After lavish weddings, these sometimes fifteen or sixteen-year-old girls are relegated to a life of drudgery, keeping up their homes and waiting hand and foot on their husbands. Many of these women never graduate high school. Most of the brides only meet their husbands briefly before the wedding.

I find it odd that I watch these shows about weddings when my own wedding took place at the Public Safety Building (that housed the county jail back then as well as the county courtrooms) after traffic court one Saturday morning.  Here is a photo of us, taken in our wedding clothes just a few weeks after we got married in 1983. Not terribly fancy duds nor a lavish event, but our marriage is nearly thirty years strong.

These shows emphasize the wedding event and downplay the marriage.  A societal shift, no doubt, a la Kim Kardshian, toward extravagance and the growing ephemeral status of marriage.

I am as disappointed in myself as I am in others. I wonder, as I struggle with my ambivalence about people, how Honey Boo Boo and the parade of characters that march across our television screens have affected all of us. Let me include politicians in that group of characters. There have been some awful negative campaign ads in my home state of NC, a swing state. Are they diversions that deflect us from thinking too deeply about the real problems such as racism, classism, sexism, and homophobia that we face in America? Maybe, but I can't be certain in this Gemini frame of mind.